Arguing in Front of Children's dangers

Character and human personality is formed by at least two factors. The first through genetic functions derived from both parents. This is why in some research on twins separated, found some similarities properties owned by both. Other studies even found also for genetic influences on cognitive abilities of the child's parents.

In addition due to genetic factors, namely the second Skroe study of environmental factors is an important factor even say the greatest influence for the formation of character and personality of the child. Individuals can establish themselves through learning from the environment ranging from the family, neighborhood play, up to the school environment. The process can last a lifetime. Starting from the womb, for example when the fetus is learning to feel the emotions of the emotional state of individuals aged parents until the current instance must learn to adapt at retirement or the status of not working.

Different genetic conditions and environmental conditions are also different is the condition that make up human personalities into a unique and different from each other. Therefore, like a fingerprint, we will not find the exact same personality with one another.

Differences Characters

Differences in character and personality becomes a challenge that is not easy when two people meet and decide to get married. Married means making two personal united in a vision and dream together. A married couple would make cooperation and mutual adapt in various situations throughout their lives. They also must be willing to open up the various veil of exclusivity which they closed tightly and let her partner entered, dynamics, and be part of it. In this process, the longer it will begin to find a variety of contention due to differences in the character and personality of each. In many cases, a fight that appeared to be so high in frequency and intensity that brought on the decision to split up.

A fight in which married couples actually a common thing. This is a consequence of the business processes and unify visions and dreams to the persons who actually have differences. Nonetheless, there needs to be a certain ethic during a fight so as not had an adverse impact on the family is built. It is also important when married couples have children later.

The danger:

Arguing in front of children as much as possible not to do. There are a danger to children if parents arguing in front of children, among others:

1. Children will experience psychological pressure
See the follow-aggressive attacking each other in front of the eyes is clearly a distinct psychological pressure for children. Moreover, if then appear violent behavior both verbal and nonverbal. If this happens frequently very likely the child will experience depression

2. Children will experience a crisis of confidence in other people
Saw two well-loved and highly trusted attacked each other both verbal and nonverbal is an experience that will surprise a child. Because trust somebody is a prerequisite for individuals to grow into a self-confident, the inability of people who he believes control their behavior will bring the child to the crisis of confidence. Children will have trouble finding the basics of secure footing to grow into a trust environment that will ultimately difficulty also trusting yourself

3. The child may blame themselves
Seeing his parents quarreled often an experience that is difficult to accept the child. They think that parents should love each other. If they hated each other then there must be something wrong. Many children then think, though illogical, that the cause of the quarrel was probably him. Therefore, many children who then blamed himself as a result of a fight that occurred in both parents.

When Do I Avoid Arguments

Although it has been tried to be controlled, parents often can not avoid quarrels in front of children. To minimize the risk to children, some things can be done when a quarrel had to happen in front of children. These things include:

1. Never violent verbal and nonverbal
Avoid doing violence on both verbal and nonberval partner. Violence carried out will have a negative impact not only for couples who have experienced violence but also for children who see it. Children may experience fear or anger seeing violence between parents.

2. Press the voice becomes low as possible
When the quarrel is not possible anymore prevented, try pressing tone of voice as low as possible. High tone in contention conducted both parents can be seen as threatening situation for the child. In some of the findings, the number of high tone and aggressive that occurs in a family leads to a psychological disorder in family members, including children.

3. Keep your facial expressions and body movements that do not look threatening
For children, facial expressions and body movements are uncontrolled when parents fight also can be perceived as threatening. If forced to fight in front of children, parents should minimize facial expressions and body movements to show fear, anger, panic, and the like

4. Do not involve the children in contention
When there is contention, do not ever engage the child in a quarrel. Involving children in contention can be done through making the child as someone who was in it or participate hostile to children and seemed to see the child as someone who was in the pair. Children will be confused and frightened because for them, defending one of his parents so then hostile to other parents is not an option.

5. If the emotion is not unbearable, delay talks
If the emotion of anger, panic, and the like when the quarrel had reached the peak that can no longer be controlled, you should immediately stop bickering performed in front of children. Although it is difficult to do for the first time, if it is used, will be more easily obtained reflexes. There are two advantages when this is done. The first, a devastating effect on children due to uncontrolled contention on both parents can be avoided. The parents will be able to "continue" quarrel at a later time with the emotions that are usually more restrained due to earlier delays.

6. Explain to the children that there is a difference of opinion, but everything is fine
If the quarrel in front of a child has occurred and it seems potentially bad for children, parents need to make an explanation on the child that they had just seen is a way parents talk solve a problem. Parents can say truthfully that they sedkikit experience the difference, but everything will be fine. If parents show an excessive emotional behavior in a fight, they need to apologize to children who have become frightened to see it. In addition, parents need to reassure the child that they both still love each other.


Source: (health.liputan6.com & John Heri Widodo, MPsi, Psychologist)